There are many bad habits that hamper our growth in both our personal and professional lives. Making judgements is one of them. Believe it or not, we all are guilty of making judgements every now and then. You may have caught that cruel voice in your head saying, I hate that girl, she doesn’t deserve the promotion she got, her haircut sucks, or her outfit it slutty. That cruel voice gives your opinion about things that you don’t know the complete story behind. It doesn’t even want to hear anyone’s perspective before reaching a conclusion. The voice that gossips behind everyone’s back.
I am not saying that you are not supposed to make any judgments and opinions. It is a human tendency to do so, and we, humans do cultivate strong opinions about people, things and situations. It is even required for us to be able to differentiate right from wrong. We should also be aware of values that are important to us. But what is that fine line that separates ‘making judgments’ and ‘being judgemental’. Crossing that line is harmful to our own well being.
Why Is ‘Being Judgemental’ Harmful?
More often than we care to realize, the craving to make mean comments stem from our own our insecurities and jealousy. Making non-constructive judgments and unhelpful opinions can make our insecurities even worse. You can deprive yourself of any feeling of gratitude if you are continuously over critical of everything. Moreover, if you go on that criticize spree, you would also end up getting yourself into it. If you don’t appreciate the good in others and accept their shortcoming, can you do it for yourself? It hence becomes very important to get rid of this habit for your own good.
How can you get rid of this habit?
To cultivate a habit of accepting people’s shortcoming and focusing on good can take some mind training but it is definitely doable. Here is how you can get rid of this habit-
Get to know more about the person you are judging-
You should not make a judgment in isolation. It is very important to know about a person’s thought process, their history and where they are coming from. While judging them based on their value, do ponder for a moment whether these values are absolute (like hurting others is definitely wrong) or relative (more of social values ). If you find them violating your values, understand that theirs may be different and that should be okay.
Before making a comment, think about your purpose for doing so
If you are about to make a comment, think for a moment, about why you are doing this? Is it to make someone feel bad (it is that crucial voice inside your head that we talked about at the beginning of the article?) or do you want to really give constructive feedback so as to help the person? It would help you to keep in check the mean comments which you would have otherwise made.
Give people the benefit of doubt
Sometimes we don’t realize that we have preconceived notions about people’ personalities and their thought processes. We then don’t see the situations and are quick to reach a judgment. For eg- if someone turns you down when you ask for help, you may see them as selfish. But do realize that they might really be super busy and even though they wanted to help you, but they couldn’t.
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